Shrine - Chapter 82

Chapter 82

It's okay. The phrase Ruan Ruan said to herself the most was "It's okay."

She was abandoned as a child and suffered from heat rash at her aunt's house, but she found a new home when she was four or five; she was hit and blinded, deceived about her condition, but she recovered later; she couldn't get into a good school, but she found a job; she was a supporting actress for many years, and now she was playing lead roles.

What's more, she had Shi Ran. If all the good things in life were stars, Shi Ran was the brightest one. She had received Shi Ran's love, which was enough to prove that fate cared for her deeply.

Don't think about things that haven't happened. It wasn't certain that anyone would make an issue of this incident. Just like those rumors Ruan Dongliang told his friend—they had truly remained just whispers between the two of them and had never spread to the internet.

As a public figure, how could she not be talked about a little? It's okay.

Ruan Ruan took a few bites of the crisp, sweet pear. Xiao Hei circled nearby, full of life, purring at her. She felt a little better again.

After rubbing Xiao Hei's belly for a while, she picked up her phone but didn't know what to do.

Wu Mei had had a long day and still had to help her arrange future work. She had told Ruan Ruan very sincerely that she felt the drama where Ruan Ruan played the second female lead might become a hit. At the very least, she'd become a familiar face, and it was a CCTV production. At that point, it might not be convenient for her to be Ruan Ruan's assistant anymore, so she wanted to do as much as she could for Ruan Ruan now.

Besides her, she didn't have any friends she could really talk to. For so many years, she had been busy earning money to support her family and had rarely even attended class reunions. Friends from film sets were temporary. They'd get so close while struggling through filming together that they'd want to cry when they parted ways. After they each went off to a few different sets, a year or two would have passed by the time they met again.

Then there were Zhong Yi and Xin Chen. But they didn't really understand Ruan Ruan's family situation. Zhong Yi had grown up in a wealthy family, a typical child raised with love. As for Xin Chen, the fact that she dared to put together such a big project showed she had a high sense of self-worth. Besides, Ruan Ruan didn't quite dare to approach her. After all, she was a producer; they had a professional relationship.

Lastly, there was Shi Ran. The Shi Ran whom Ruan Ruan wanted to talk to the most, and also the least.

She hadn't been a particularly good girlfriend, as she had promised herself she would be. She had barely spent any time with her and had caused several big messes. First, she couldn't remember Hitchcock, then she couldn't stop herself from crying in the garden while looking for the cat, revealing her makeup and styling and nearly offending the magazine. After that, Shi Ran took her out to relax, but she had bought the outrageously expensive glasses while Shi Ran was away.

If public opinion wanted to drown Ruan Ruan, it was more likely that it also wanted to erode Shi Ran's solid foundation.

From Shi Ran's perspective, this artist was truly a handful. She hadn't accepted the "overwhelming fortune"; instead, she had spilled the water all over the floor.

And as a girlfriend, Ruan Ruan hadn't provided much emotional value—she was even worse than before they were together.

She hadn't hesitated much when she agreed to be with her, because she could feel that Shi Ran was very happy when they were together. Being able to make the person she liked happy made her feel very capable.

But now, she couldn't even make herself happy.

She wanted to wait until she had sorted herself out before loving Shi Ran properly. She couldn't use her as an emotional dumping ground.

When would this pass? A faint unease lingered in her heart. She stared at the cursor in the search bar, torn.

Reason advised her not to search, to act as if she knew nothing and finish filming in peace. Emotion goaded her on: Don't you want to know if Ruan Dongliang's words actually made it online? Don't you want to know what stage this storm has reached? Do you really not care what other people think of you?

Is anyone speaking up for you? Does anyone agree with you? Does anyone understand you?

Does anyone… love you?

Ruan Ruan clenched her sweaty palms and tapped open the search bar. Her search history was there. The first entry was her own name. She hesitated for a moment, then tapped it.

She finally understood why the team hadn't held any more meetings in the group chat she was in. On one hand, it was because the matter had mostly blown over. Not many people would care that much about a bit of gossip concerning an artist who wasn't very famous and had no signature works.

On the other hand, at the tail end of the public outcry, a hook had snagged on Ruan Ruan's deepest scar.

A rather blurry exposé had been reposted several times. It looked like it had originally come from the comment section of some video platform.

"That photo of her at the street stall is real. My dad knows her uncle. And that's not her birth mom, it's her adoptive mother. Her birth parents didn't want her. Her adoptive parents took her in when she was little. They were so good to her, even paid for her schooling. Her uncle was furious when he heard she spent 500,000 at an auction. He said her parents still take the bus every week to stock up on goods."

"Damn, what an ungrateful wretch."

"Why don't good people get good things in return…"

"This is kind of upsetting."

"Why didn't her birth parents want her?"

"I heard her birth mom was one of those gold-digging types, ran off with a rich guy."

The original poster replied again.

People in the comments started discussing whether adopted children can ever be truly close to their adoptive families, or debating whether nature or nurture is more important. The volume of discussion wasn't large, but every word was heart-piercing.

Ruan Ruan's hands were almost numb. She put down her phone. The tip of her tongue pressed against the inside of her mouth; she felt a faint numbness and itchiness on her palate. She unconsciously swept her tongue over it again and again, using this faint discomfort to prove to herself that she was a living, breathing person.

She finally admitted that the public opinion she had anticipated and the one she was actually facing were two completely different things.

Before, her idea of public opinion was like watching an apocalypse movie. She would worry and feel tense because of the thrilling scenes. After watching a couple more, she thought she was mentally prepared. It wasn't until the day the apocalypse actually arrived that she discovered she had no idea whether it would be water or fire, glaciers or lava, that would take her life.

It didn't give you the slow-motion shots you see in movies. There wasn't even time to depict the sorrow. You just watched the disaster sweep over you, calm and helpless, as if you were composed even in the face of death.

These words hadn't gained traction on Weibo. No marketing accounts had gotten involved. It seemed the company had done its best to suppress it. Some of her fans were also saying in her Super Topic that they had contacted the staff and were collecting evidence.

Another fan posted a comment from an insider who spoke up for Ruan Ruan. The insider was quite angry.

"I was her elementary school classmate, it's not at all like what they're saying online. Her parents couldn't have children, so they adopted her in the hopes it would help them conceive. After adopting her, they had a son and then didn't want to care for her anymore, okay… Her dad would go out drinking and say he wanted to send her back, but then he'd say forget it, at least she could help with chores around the house. The family used her as a cheap maid. How good could they have been to her? Have a conscience, will you."

"Oh, right. Her younger brother even hit her and made her blind when they were kids. Her family never even took her to the hospital. Our entire grade knew about it. She was absent for a long time."

The fans below commented that they couldn't believe it was like this, that they felt so bad for her, and posted this excerpt to counter the negative comments.

But Ruan Ruan's heart was filled with a mix of complicated feelings.

So, it turned out that many people knew what kind of life she had lived as a child, how her parents had treated her. Only she herself hadn't known.

Her so-called role as the well-behaved daughter had perhaps only deceived herself. Those classmates she got along with—did they like her, or did they pity her?

So, she really had been blind as a child, and for a very long time.

She sat alone at the alley's entrance. Even to this day, she had never clearly seen the truth of her own life.

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