Indulgence - Chapter 32
Chapter 32
Jiang Nian was anxious to explain. It was hard not to misunderstand what Cheng Qian had said, especially since she and Yao Ran had met because of an "accidental night."
Yao Ran still didn't show much of a reaction. She had been impulsive and hot-headed in the art studio tonight, and this little interlude had sobered her up considerably.
Jiang Nian thought Yao Ran was doubting her words. She frowned and continued to press earnestly, "Believe me."
The words used when pleading for trust are always sincere. Facing Jiang Nian, Yao Ran wasn't sure if she could trust her. Thinking about it calmly, perhaps it didn't matter. Everything between them had been devoid of reason from the start and shouldn't be allowed to continue. She had indulged herself during this period, and it had been more than enough.
"You don't have to explain so much to me."
"I have to explain it clearly to you." Jiang Nian was still insistent, staring at the person before her. "Because I like you."
She said it without a hint of hesitation, her words open and sincere.
The summer night's wind carried a wave of heat. As the words arrived with the evening breeze, Yao Ran looked into her earnest, candid eyes and felt the wind blow that warmth straight into her heart.
Like is like. Jiang Nian felt there was no need to hide it, but Yao Ran's avoidance had made her keep the words locked in her heart for a long time.
Was liking someone such an easy thing? Could it be called 'like' just because they had impulsively slept together and shared some ambiguous moments? They barely even knew each other.
Yao Ran remained as calm as possible. "Don't take those accidents to heart."
Accidents? Jiang Nian's gaze remained relentless. She bit her lip and couldn't help but ask aggrievedly, "Was every time with me just an 'accident' to you?"
Yao Ran was silent. To call her repeated loss of control an accident was too disingenuous. She couldn't deceive herself; she had developed feelings for Jiang Nian. Once this unprecedented feeling appeared, it was too strong to ignore. At the same time, she found her own impulsiveness incomprehensible. Why would she develop feelings over such a vague and ambiguous affair? Was it because she had been repressed for too long that she found it so hard to resist the passion the other woman brought her?
"It's not because of those things. I was captivated the first time I met you." Jiang Nian had been bottling up a lot of words, and now she finally had the chance to say them. "That night, I couldn't refuse you..."
That first night, they had hidden in a corner of the bar, kissing wildly for a long time. When she heard Yao Ran whisper and ask if she wanted to go to a hotel, she had frozen completely. But the atmosphere was right, and she was facing the person who had captivated her at first sight. She couldn't refuse.
Yao Ran also remembered it clearly. Jiang Nian had been so alluring that day. Even though she knew it was inappropriate, she had desperately wanted a release. She convinced herself it would only be for one night. She never imagined the two of them would become so entangled.
"I only started going to Moments all the time for a chance to run into you." Jiang Nian cast aside her pride and let it all out.
Hearing Jiang Nian say all this in one breath, Yao Ran's thoughts, which she had just managed to sort out, fell into chaos again.
They stood on the street in silence for a while.
"Can I pursue you?" Jiang Nian asked impatiently, not waiting for Yao Ran's response. She had been holding it in for so long, she felt like she was about to burst. Especially every time they met, having to suppress her feelings despite the clear attraction—the ambiguous push-and-pull was torture. She wanted to like her openly and honestly.
Hearing Jiang Nian's direct approach, which left no room for buffering, a flustered Yao Ran blurted out, "No."
"Why?" Jiang Nian felt even more wronged, thinking of how much Yao Ran seemed to enjoy their intimate moments. "You can accept me getting close, can't you?"
She had answered subconsciously, afraid that if she said yes, she would be completely impulsive from then on when facing Jiang Nian. Yao Ran composed herself. "Let's both calm down."
Calm down again. Jiang Nian looked at Yao Ran silently, her nose stinging a little. Why did she always push her away? When she said "No," it was clearly an impulsive reaction...
Yao Ran said she had something to do and turned to leave.
Back in her car, Yao Ran sat alone in a daze for a long while, rubbing her forehead to relax.
Her mood was both rational and chaotic. Things between her and Jiang Nian were too messy. These developments were completely outside her plans. She knew that every step she had taken lacked composure. In her mind, a relationship shouldn't proceed in such a muddled way.
The cake was almost finished. When Si Mao saw Jiang Nian return, he immediately wagged his tail and trotted over to greet her.
Jiang Nian looked down at the little guy and said, "Good boy."
Qiu Lan noticed that Jiang Nian wasn't in the right state of mind. Without saying hello to anyone, she went straight upstairs. Qiu Lan watched for a moment, then followed her up.
"Cheng Qian said she wanted to discuss the tattoo with you."
Jiang Nian's face was downcast. "Tell her I don't have time to do it for her. Tell her not to bother me."
After how awkward tonight had been, Qiu Lan knew Jiang Nian definitely wouldn't want to do a tattoo for Cheng Qian. She asked Jiang Nian, "What happened just now? Did she misunderstand you?"
Jiang Nian remained sullenly silent.
Qiu Lan tried to analyze the situation, which was also a form of comfort. "Look on the bright side. Her being jealous is a good thing. People only get jealous when they care."
Jiang Nian still didn't speak, too sad to talk.
"Don't scare me." Qiu Lan had never seen Jiang Nian in this state. "Are you okay?"
Only then did Jiang Nian look up. "I confessed to her."
She actually confessed directly? Qiu Lan thought about it. That was indeed Jiang Nian's style; she couldn't hold anything in.
"And then?" Qiu Lan said. "You got rejected?"
Jiang Nian nodded. "Yeah."
"I told you, it's hard to make this kind of relationship official."
"Why?" Jiang Nian's thinking was simple. Since they both had feelings for each other, why couldn't they be together?
"There's probably a lack of security." Qiu Lan looked at Jiang Nian again and spoke the plain truth. "And you're such a flirt, surrounded by beautiful women. If you were pursuing me, I wouldn't feel secure either."
Jiang Nian: "..."
Qiu Lan hugged her arms, thinking of Yao Ran's demeanor. "I don't get the impression she's a casual person. How did you two even..."
Jiang Nian couldn't explain it in a few words and wasn't in the mood to chat. She urged Qiu Lan, "I want to be alone for a while. Don't bother me unless it's important."
Qiu Lan was at a loss for words.
It seemed she had really fallen hard this time, acting as if she'd just been through a breakup.
A few days later, Yao Ran went to Moments to see Ruan Xin. She walked to Ruan Xin's office in the back, knocked on the door, and when there was no answer, she tried the handle.
The door was locked from the inside and wouldn't open.
Yao Ran knocked again.
This time, Ruan Xin's voice came from inside. "Just a moment."
Yao Ran waited for two minutes before the door was pulled open. She saw that Ruan Xin's face was slightly flushed. "Why was the door locked?"
Ruan Xin touched the back of her neck and said, "Probably locked it out of habit. Why are you here so early?"
Yao Ran glanced behind Ruan Xin and saw that Xu Xia was also there. She found it peculiar. The two of them in a locked room... it felt a bit ambiguous.
Xu Xia greeted her politely, "Sister Ran."
"No class today?" Yao Ran asked conversationally.
"Yeah, so I thought I'd come over and help out tonight," Xu Xia said with a smile.
Ruan Xin glanced at her. This little wolf cub is such a good actor, no wonder she fooled me too. She also smiled at Yao Ran and said, "My shoulder was a bit sore, so I had her give me a massage."
Yao Ran looked at the two of them, thinking her mind had wandered to a strange place. They were as close as sisters. Besides, Xu Xia was more than ten years younger than Ruan Xin.
Xu Xia said, "You two must be busy. I'll get going."
"Okay." Yao Ran remembered that Ruan Xin didn't really let Xu Xia help out at the bar. Perhaps Xu Xia needed money and was doing a work-study program.
After Xu Xia left, Ruan Xin took a sip of water and got down to business with Yao Ran. "I've dealt with Director He from SL Group before. I hear she's doing quite well now and should have a say in business matters. You can find some time to talk to her."
So much had happened recently that she had almost forgotten about Yao Ran's request. She had only remembered to look through her contacts in the last couple of days.
Yao Ran received the WeChat contact card Ruan Xin sent her. "Okay, thanks."
Ruan Xin said, "No need to thank me."
Remembering that somewhat awkward phone call, Yao Ran asked Ruan Xin with concern, "Have you started dating someone recently?"
"Why the sudden question?" Ruan Xin gave a dry laugh.
The words caught in Yao Ran's throat; she couldn't very well say she had heard noises over the phone that day. She smiled faintly. "You just seem busy lately."
Ruan Xin hesitated. "...No, same as always."
Hearing Ruan Xin say that, Yao Ran naturally couldn't press the matter further. Was I just being sensitive again? After meeting Jiang Nian, she found herself becoming more sensitive to certain things...
Ruan Xin changed the subject. "Come on, let's go out for a drink."
Yao Ran thought for a moment. "Okay."
As they walked out of the office, the atmosphere outside was electric. Yao Ran heard a familiar singing voice. She looked toward the stage and saw that it was indeed Jiang Nian.
After that day, Jiang Nian hadn't contacted Yao Ran. She was also conflicted. She had wanted to message Yao Ran many times but feared an even colder rejection. Even though she had thick skin, she could still get hurt...
Jiang Nian didn't stay down for long; it wasn't in her character. When she was upset, she preferred to be in a lively environment. Sometimes, the liveliness helped her forget her troubles. A few days ago, Ruan Xin had jokingly asked if she wanted to sing at the bar, and she had agreed on a whim. "Sure."
She had been coming for several days now.
Ruan Xin asked Yao Ran, "Have you noticed business is much better tonight?"
Yao Ran was lost in thought and didn't hear Ruan Xin's words. After a moment, she realized Ruan Xin was talking to her. "What did you say?"
"I said since Jiang Nian started singing here, business has gotten a lot better," Ruan Xin repeated. She explained to Yao Ran, "I made a deal with her last time. Whenever she comes to sing, her tab is on the house."
Yao Ran gave a faint smile. "I see."
Ruan Xin noticed her distraction. "Is something on your mind lately?"
Before Yao Ran could speak.
"Never mind, you wouldn't say even if there was. You'd just bottle it all up," Ruan Xin said, finding a way to back down herself.
Tonight, Jiang Nian was singing a rather high-energy song, drawing continuous cheers from the audience.
Yao Ran occasionally glanced at the stage, thinking, Now that some things are out in the open, we can probably move on quickly. That's for the best.
"Jiang Nian isn't pursuing you anymore, is she?" Ruan Xin looked at Yao Ran and asked suddenly.
Yao Ran snapped back to the present.
"Don't play dumb. Even I could tell she was trying to pursue you before," Ruan Xin said with a laugh.
Although Jiang Nian still came to the bar these days, she hadn't asked about Yao Ran anymore. She was just coming to unwind. She had probably been discouraged and given up. Ruan Xin couldn't help but sigh, "You're so hard to pursue. I told you she wouldn't last long. She was probably just riding a wave of excitement when she dared to provoke a heartless block of stone like you."
Yao Ran swallowed a mouthful of her drink. It just so happened to be peach-flavored, and it instantly triggered a memory: a peach-flavored candy melting during their passionate kiss, Jiang Nian's mischievous smile when she pulled away, sweeter than the candy in her mouth.
Ruan Xin noticed Yao Ran's unusual silence tonight, as if she were drinking to drown her sorrows. "What's wrong with you?"
Comments
Post a Comment