Drifting on a String - Chapter 38
Chapter 38
"I'm at Wenyu Court."
This time, Chen Piaopiao said the name of the rented apartment complex directly.
She thanked Xiao Ma politely, tidied up her own chair and An Ran's, picked up the fruit peels that had accidentally fallen outside the trash can, and as she crouched down, she suddenly felt like crying.
Why should she?
Those four words echoed in her heart.
A daughter of heaven like Tao Jin, someone who should be held in the palm of everyone's hand—no one had the right to trample on her feelings like that. Piaopiao thought about how she herself had stayed up until she was sick working at the bar, just to earn a little money to buy a bottle of perfume for Tao Jin. She wondered what Tao Jin's mood had been like back then, when she was playing bass in those night venues.
She scooped up the orange peels with her hand, threw them away along with the dust, then got up to wash her hands, change clothes, grab her phone, and head out.
She thought a lot during the walk, and the first thing she thought was that it finally made sense.
She should have figured it out sooner. The reason Tao Jin was so skilled, so effortlessly in control in relationships, wasn't because she was a natural-born genius. There are no geniuses in love. Her thoughtfulness and consideration were probably honed through guesswork, time and time again.
She also finally understood why Tao Jin knew she was gay, and why she had created a secondary account to join the group. When she was first pursued so aggressively and fervently by that girl, she must have gone through a phase of self-identification, not knowing who to talk to, so she created that account to observe her "own kind."
And then, there was the fact that her technique was so good...
She couldn't bear to think about it anymore. Her heart seized and released, over and over, as if a lemon were being squeezed between her ribs.
The cramping became a physical reaction; she nearly threw up.
Chen Piaopiao had never experienced such a complex mix of emotions: anger, jealousy, bitterness, sadness, and heartache. So much heartache.
She wanted to hold Tao Jin and say, I'll be so good to you. She also wanted to bite Tao Jin and say, how could you be so good to someone else?
And there was fear.
How much did Tao Jin love her? Compared to her love for Piaopiao? She had been able to love someone else before—did that mean she could also have another love?
Her thoughts twisted and turned, crashing into each other.
Chen Piaopiao would rather that Tao Jin truly didn't need love at all.
After opening the door, Piaopiao quietly surveyed the little apartment. She took the fruit she'd bought on the way into the kitchen sink, washed them one by one, arranged them in a fruit bowl, and then opened the window to let some air in.
As she reached out the window, her chest still ached, but she knew it wouldn't hurt for much longer.
It was just that this apartment had become another handful of rice slipping through someone else's fingers. She was used to it, and on this front, she was actually more clear-headed and rational.
Back at her aunt and uncle's place, when her aunt hadn't wanted her to have the noodles, she'd made sure to walk fast on purpose. Piaopiao knew the exact time every bus reached the school gate. When she passed her dawdling cousin, she'd just lowered her head and quickened her pace, without telling him to walk with her. Then she'd stand on the bus, watching her panting cousin fail to catch up.
Because she was competing with her cousin for that bowl of noodles.
She didn't like competing in love, but if anyone tried to bully Tao Jin, she wouldn't yield an inch.
Trash belonged in the trash can. Expired milk should be thrown away.
She opened the fridge and checked the expiration dates on the milk cartons, one by one.
Five, four, three, two, one.
The door lock clicked. Tao Jin was back. With a soft snap, Chen Piaopiao dropped the milk carton in her hand, landing it perfectly in the trash bag.
She brought out the fresh fruit. "You're back?"
"What made you want to stay here today? Don't you have an early class tomorrow?" Tao Jin asked, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow slightly as she changed her shoes, teasing the little fox.
Piaopiao gestured for her to wash her hands. "Qi Mian broke up with her boyfriend. She's crying in the dorm. I can't take it."
"Broke up? Crying?" Tao Jin came out, drying her hands, and took the apple Piaopiao offered.
"It's totally normal to cry over a breakup," Piaopiao said, picking out a smaller one for herself. "When you broke up, didn't you cry?"
Tao Jin smiled, bright as spring. "Would you make me break up?"
She was joking softly, gently, and reached out to poke Piaopiao's shoulder.
"I'd never make you cry," Piaopiao murmured quietly, focusing on picking out an apple.
As she said it, she blinked, trying to blink back the sudden sting in her eyes. When she couldn't, she raised a hand and rubbed them; it was a little better.
Tao Jin's bite of the apple slowed down. She was acutely sensitive and could feel that the young girl was upset.
Even though her posture, kneeling on the cushion to pick fruit, was nothing special, she had her back to Tao Jin, and her thin shoulders looked so fragile.
Tao Jin moved closer and wrapped her arms around Piaopiao's waist from behind. "What are you spacing out about?"
She rubbed her cheek against Piaopiao's, a familiar, soothing gesture.
Piaopiao's heart clenched. The fine hairs behind her ears stood on end. Tao Jin must have held that other girl like this too, must have spoken to her in such a soft, gentle voice.
Piaopiao's chest trembled as she exhaled, trying to release the overwhelming possessiveness that gripped her.
She gave up on picking fruit and reached back to touch Tao Jin's face, turning her head to look at her softly. "Aren't you hot? Take your clothes off, okay?"
Then she lifted her chin and kissed Tao Jin's beautiful lips, stealing the half-chewed piece of apple from her mouth. Just centimeters away, she chewed and swallowed it, mingling it with her own breath.
They were kissing on the bed again.
This time, Tao Jin ceded all control.
Piaopiao had already trimmed her nails, and she'd been taught, physically, many times. She knew how to please the one she loved.
But Tao Jin was still unhurried, still unhurried. Even her surrender felt like instruction.
She would gently tell Piaopiao to curve her fingers just a little, or hold her wrist to remind her to slow down.
Piaopiao loved her experience, and hated it, too.
She licked every bead of sweat from Tao Jin's skin, gently bit every spot that shivered—no one else could have seen these, no one else could have heard those sounds.
Dizzy with jealousy, unable to contain herself, Piaopiao chose a way Tao Jin hadn't taught her, and kissed her there.
Tao Jin let out a fragmented moan, reaching her peak against Piaopiao's mouth.
Piaopiao was satisfied. Especially seeing the unexpected expression on Tao Jin's still-unraveling face, she slithered up like a little snake, licking the corner of her own mouth, and burrowed into the hollow of Tao Jin's neck.
Tao Jin didn't say anything, but Piaopiao knew she was shy. She pressed her lips together, not looking at her, her fingertips lightly tracing patterns on Piaopiao's neck.
It was still bright outside; the curtains weren't even fully drawn.
Piaopiao discovered that Tao Jin was especially cute when she was flustered. She would find something to do. She showered as usual, then silently went to cook.
Her ears were still red as she chopped vegetables. Piaopiao had finally found a crack in her perfect, flawless facade, and it filled her with both satisfaction and a pang of sorrow.
After dinner, Piaopiao and Tao Jin sat on the floor cushions watching a variety show.
Tao Jin was on her phone replying to messages. Piaopiao glanced at her and suddenly broke the silence. "I saw you today. At the coffee shop."
The typing stopped. Tao Jin was momentarily surprised. She pondered for a moment, as if connecting the dots behind Piaopiao's unusual behavior today. Understanding dawned, her lashes lowered, then lifted, and she put her phone on the coffee table. "You know?"
"I asked... Xiao Ma?" She paused, then ventured a name.
Tao Jin was still so clever, inside and out. Piaopiao adored her for it.
"There's still some stuff I don't know. I need you to fill in the blanks."
Piaopiao turned to face her, hugging her knees.
Tao Jin stared at her intently for about ten seconds. Seeing that she seemed relaxed, she tucked in the corner of her mouth slightly and reached out to touch the mole on Piaopiao's face. "What do you want to know?"
"Why did she come looking for you?"
Piaopiao cut straight to the point.
"She wants to get back together."
"Holy shit." Piaopiao narrowed her eyes and muttered under her breath.
Tao Jin couldn't help but laugh at her reaction.
"What did you say?" Piaopiao's ears perked up.
"I said I have a girlfriend. She said she knew."
Piaopiao frowned. "How did she know?"
Tao Jin thought for a moment, her voice a little nasal. "For this play, I asked a few friends from the Academy of Fine Arts to help with the set design. When you came to find me that day, you probably saw them."
She put it delicately, but the meaning was clear. She'd been holding Piaopiao, and some students from the Academy must have seen and spread the word.
"What does us being together have to do with her?" Piaopiao didn't get it. "You broke up a while ago, didn't you? Has she been looking for you all this time?"
Tao Jin shook her head, trying to explain gently and clearly. "She's a pretty proud girl. When I said back then that I didn't want to date, she could accept that. But if I end up with someone else, she thinks it should be her."
Got it. Princess syndrome—the kind where she thought the tides of the world should turn for her.
Piaopiao pouted. Tao Jin pinched her chin, laughing. "What's that face?"
So cute.
Piaopiao looked at her relaxed, natural expression and found it amazing. When she was alone, the obstacle had seemed so huge, but after just a few words from Tao Jin, said with a smile, it felt like no big deal.
Maybe it was because Tao Jin's expression clearly told her—it was in the past.
Obviously, she didn't love that person anymore.
This reassurance settled Piaopiao's nerves. She bent her arm on the sofa and rested her head on it, looking at Tao Jin. "And then? Did she ask you to break up with me?"
"Mhm. I said, 'In your dreams.'" Tao Jin nodded with a perfectly straight face.
"You wouldn't say it like that." Piaopiao murmured.
Tao Jin smiled softly, reached out, and smoothed Piaopiao's tousled hair. "I said we wouldn't."
As she said it, she looked seriously into Piaopiao's eyes, a little guilty for letting her spiral into worry.
Piaopiao understood. Tao Jin was trying to untangle her knots again, just like when she'd helped figure out a solution for Grandma's visit.
So there was one last knot to address.
She took Tao Jin's hand and rested her cheek in her palm. "This apartment. You rented it for her, didn't you?"
"Well..." Tao Jin considered carefully. "I can't say it was for her. It was my own decision."
Back then, she'd put a lot of sincerity into trying to make the relationship work, but she didn't think she should put all that responsibility on the other person.
It was something she'd considered and chosen herself.
"You..." You made me stay in the apartment you shared with her.
The words were too painful. Piaopiao couldn't say them, and the ache in her heart only intensified.
But Tao Jin, perceptive as ever, didn't need her to spell it out. Her ring finger moved slightly against Piaopiao's cheek, and she explained softly, "This is a long-term rental for me. I thought at the time, the dorms didn't have air conditioning, and I was always in club activities. It was inconvenient to study after lights-out. Having a backup place wasn't a bad idea. If it hadn't been for her, I probably still would have rented something, just maybe not this big."
She smiled, being quite frank.
"Later, my mom found out I was working to pay rent and thought I had some unspeakable problem in the dorms. She paid for two years upfront."
"To this day, she still guesses it's because Xiao Ma snores." Tao Jin couldn't help but laugh.
Piaopiao laughed too. Why did Xiao Ma have to be the victim?
"Now, I store some of my off-season clothes here, my suitcases from the dorm, their blankets and stuff. Also, some of our club props won't fit in the borrowed classroom."
"Sometimes when my mom misses me, she comes and stays for a couple of days."
That's why she'd never given up the apartment. That, and maybe subletting was a hassle.
"After I got together with you, I thought about it too, wondered if you might mind. But then, the day we picked up Grandma, you said you really liked this apartment, and that you wanted to rent one like it someday."
"I've been looking online recently, but it's hard to find anything like this outside this complex."
She meant that if Piaopiao was uncomfortable with it, they should probably change neighborhoods entirely. But the area around the university was mostly older, run-down buildings. This complex was special.
Piaopiao listened to every word, and her heart felt like it was being shattered. Her mind was filled with one thought: Tao Jin, how can you be so good?
How could anyone be this good?
It made her so easy to take advantage of.
Piaopiao frowned, raised her arms to circle Tao Jin's waist, and lay down in her lap, hugging her.
"Let's just stay here. No need to find another place," Piaopiao said. "I have a part-time job now. I can help chip in."
Tao Jin's throat tightened. She looked down at Piaopiao's docile profile, her skin so pale it seemed bleached, her whole body thin as a sheet of paper that could be crumpled. But her bones were stubborn. She never let Tao Jin buy her clothes or bags. She went out and found her own part-time job. She sat in the hallway and stared into space because she didn't have money. Yet even when accepting Tao Jin's help, she still wanted to hold on to a little bit of pride.
And now she was saying she wanted to share the rent.
"Pay the rent? To my mom?" Tao Jin looked down at her, a smile in her eyes.
Oh, right. Her mom had already paid.
"Never mind, then." Piaopiao replied, acquiescing gracefully.
Tao Jin stroked her hair and parted her lips. "What did Xiao Ma tell you?"
It was her turn to ask now.
Piaopiao said, "She can't stand your ex. She was venting, said she was dramatic. The main examples were the 20-kilometer milk tea incident and the story of you 'digging for wild vegetables'—working odd jobs for love so you could rent that apartment."
Tao Jin's expression turned complicated as she raised an eyebrow.
"So," Piaopiao looked up, "is it true? You couldn't take it anymore and just broke up?"
Tao Jin didn't answer right away.
She blinked, looking towards the armrest of the sofa. Even her breathing, which Piaopiao could hear, felt evasive.
Finally, a subtle smile played on her lips. "Actually, this is what I was trying to tell you the other day, before I got interrupted."
"There's another reason I broke up with her."
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