Drifting on a String - Chapter 61
Chapter 61
"The most terrifying, most fatal thing in a relationship is the other person's indifference."
The script was open on Tao Jin's desk, right to that line.
She once had a girlfriend, and she only had eyes for me. She was a little bad, but mostly well-behaved; she seemed soft on the surface, but was actually stubborn; she was a fox who liked to pretend to be a rabbit.
She had once said with great confidence, "It's only two years, you can't even hold out that long?" At the time, Tao Jin had been a little unhappy, because Chen Piaopiao's tone was so nonchalant it made her own impulse to turn down her senior in Jiangcheng and stay in Beicheng seem completely unnecessary.
She really had submitted her resume to a building across from An University. It was a medium-sized financial firm, and a good fit for her major.
For Tao Jin back then, it was a choice between her dream on one side, and being able to meet Chen Piaopiao for dinner after work on the other.
With a look that said, "Are you stupid? Not going for an opportunity like this?" Chen Piaopiao had killed the latter, childish option.
What Tao Jin hadn't expected was that Chen Piaopiao's "indifference" was only the beginning.
At some point, Chen Piaopiao stopped caring much about whether the two of them had a proper conversation that day. In her free time, she preferred to post trendy videos online—hand gesture dances, transformation videos, and the like. Tao Jin was also very busy, but she would watch them during her meal breaks, liking them as she watched, thinking the lively little fox was adorable.
Then, at some other point, Chen Piaopiao started using her free evenings to livestream, telling more jokes to people on the internet than she ever told Tao Jin, using memes Tao Jin couldn't keep up with. Once, Tao Jin registered an account and sent a special effect gift to pinch Chen Piaopiao's cheek. Chen Piaopiao looked at the jumbled string of characters that was the ID and said, "Thank you, baby."
She had never even called Tao Jin "baby."
She didn't care about the precious time they had to communicate, nor did she care about their promises and dreams.
Chen Piaopiao had said more than once that she wanted to be Tao Jin's leading lady. Tao Jin thought this was her dream, so in that lecture hall that day, she had planted a seed. She wanted to become an excellent director or producer, to give Chen Piaopiao a wonderful stage.
Chen Piaopiao had a face that told a story, so much so that even Tao Jin worried her own inexperience wouldn't be worthy of it.
So she gave herself two years to stage a play for her.
By the time Chen Piaopiao graduated, it would probably be about right, Tao Jin thought.
She became someone else's leading lady first.
Amidst a shoddily written script and shoddily made props, Chen Piaopiao delivered lines she once would have scorned on the forums, acting out scenes she had criticized countless times.
"Eat Rabbit Keep Skin": What kind of idiot actually likes those scenes where the male and female leads accidentally fall, spin three times in the air, and land in a perfect kiss?
"Eat Rabbit Keep Skin": Are you kidding me? She's wearing a full face of makeup and you're telling me she's a man in disguise, and the moment her hat falls off, she's revealed as a peerless beauty?
"Eat Rabbit Keep Skin": Ugh… The moment that line "It's been a long time since I've seen the young master smile like this" comes out, I can no longer smile.
Tao Jin had gently tried to persuade Chen Piaopiao, asking if she could focus on her studies first. If she was really interested in this, it wouldn't be too late to pursue it after graduation. She also offered professional advice, suggesting that without systematic training, starting on a platform like that could easily lead to formulaic acting, which would be very difficult to improve upon later.
Chen Piaopiao didn't take her advice, and Tao Jin didn't press the matter.
She maintained their little joint savings account, though Chen Piaopiao was unwilling to use it, saying she had her own money.
One day, she discovered that Chen Piaopiao no longer cared about those sleazy men either.
The sleazy men that the old Chen Piaopiao had detested most, the kind she would have to go and pinch a few times after eating bacon rolls. Chen Piaopiao was no longer angry; she was used to it.
The insecurity brought on by distance was detestable. Tao Jin had also tried to guess her thoughts, had also been plagued by anxiety.
Things only got a little better when Chen Piaopiao came to visit her, but even then, she never felt completely at ease. Once, at a hot pot restaurant, they ran into a friend who worked in influencer incubation. After introductions were made, Chen Piaopiao looked like she was about to say something. Worried she would reveal her online career and that this friend would want to get to know her, Tao Jin quickly interjected that Piaopiao was a student at An University.
Tao Jin had only added that friend on WeChat and had no desire for a deeper connection, as his reputation in the industry was terrible; she'd heard he had harassed influencers at his own company.
At that moment, Tao Jin had been very anxious, and she was faintly terrified by her own anxiety and nervousness.
Later, Chen Piaopiao stopped caring about her studies altogether.
She came to find her when she should have been preparing for her final exams. It was right when Tao Jin was staging the big year-end play and was extremely busy. She was also surprised, and asked her how many days she planned to stay. She said she didn't know, maybe she would just stay here and not go back.
What did "stay here" mean? Was she going to drop out of school?
Tao Jin was genuinely angry then, and even more anxious. She said sternly to Chen Piaopiao, "Piaopiao, you should go back right now and focus on your studies. Besides, I'm very busy and don't have time to hang out with you."
Chen Piaopiao's eyes dimmed slightly then, but she just said, "Oh."
She bought a ticket and went back.
After she returned, Tao Jin received a breakup message from Chen Piaopiao on WeChat.
In the end, Chen Piaopiao finally stopped caring about Tao Jin, too.
Tao Jin replayed their entire past in her mind during the confrontation with Chen Piaopiao, excluding the parts she was unwilling to recall.
On the sixteenth day of their reunion, Tao Jin still hadn't learned how to get along with the Chen Piaopiao of three years later, but she had also, caught off guard, discovered even more things Chen Piaopiao "didn't care" about.
She had thought that after their conflict that morning, Chen Piaopiao would be upset, would want to apologize, to reconcile. But when she pushed open the door out of concern, she found a scene of carefree revelry.
Chen Piaopiao didn't care that Tao Jin had left, didn't care about the outcome of their dispute, didn't care if someone was outside while she pleased herself.
And at the very end, Chen Piaopiao showed her that she didn't even care about herself.
When she took out that object, Tao Jin breathed a sigh of relief, but immediately after, Chen Piaopiao used her own hand instead, right in front of her ex-girlfriend.
For the first time, Tao Jin felt her fingers go numb. Such a disrespectful act toward herself, and she just did it.
The many times before, they had explored together. Each time, they had cherished one another. For the two people in her memories, desire was an intertwining of souls, a dialogue. It had to be her, and no one else.
It had to be her.
So, Tao Jin's scorn was directed more at herself.
Why did it turn out like this? Can you tell me? Do I even have the right to ask anymore?
Who taught you this? Your company, your agent, your past, your experiences, those days I could only watch from afar, those days I was completely absent—what did they all teach you?
Chen Piaopiao didn't answer.
Right. That chattering little fox had long since fallen silent. She always had more to say to others than to Tao Jin.
Tao Jin closed the door for her, still gently closing the door for her.
The next morning, rehearsal was paused. Tao Jin left Xilou and flew to Jiangcheng.
She only returned three days later. In those three days, Chen Piaopiao had already packed her luggage.
That evening, she received a message from Tao Jin in the production's group chat.
She said she was very sorry that her personal issues had caused the production to halt, and that she was treating everyone to dinner that night.
It was at Le Pavi again, in that same courtyard. This time, Tao Jin sat across from Chen Piaopiao.
She was still wearing a clean white T-shirt and jeans, carefully asking for everyone's opinions at the table and arranging the order. When the menu was passed over, it carried the scent of cedar.
After the food was ordered, Chen Piaopiao rested her hands on either side of the long bench, listening to them chat.
The drinks arrived. Amidst the clinking of glasses, Fay enthusiastically passed a fruit beer to each person.
"Thanks," Chen Piaopiao said.
"Hey, don't mention it," Fay said, patting her on the shoulder.
After a few sips, Tao Jin suddenly blinked, lifting her gaze from the table. "I went to Jiangcheng to check schedules with Director Sun," she said. "He's coming over next weekend. Before then, we need to finalize the third draft of the script."
Chen Piaopiao stared at her slender neck and the beautiful lips that formed the words, waiting for her to announce the recasting.
As expected, Tao Jin looked over at her. "I need to apologize to Piaopiao," she said. "That day, I let my personal emotions affect my work. I'm sorry. I've thought about it since, and the suggestion you made is a good one. Perhaps we can give it a try."
She nodded at Chen Piaopiao, tilting her head slightly with a quiet smile.
In front of everyone, she gave Chen Piaopiao a way to save face.
Chen Piaopiao had been wrong before.
So this was what Tao Jin was like when she was being professional. So this was what Tao Jin was like when she no longer liked someone.
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